Alright, fellow cat owners, gather around. We need to talk. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably found yourself staring at your cat, spoon in hand, and thinking, What the actual F! “Why won’t you just eat this food?! It cost me more than my last meal at that fancy restaurant I went to!” And then, as you gently slide the plate toward their royal highness, they look at you like you’ve just served them a plate of mushy peas covered in dirt. Or worse, they might just turn their back on you entirely. Not even a glance. So, what gives?
Let me paint you a not-so-pretty little picture. You’ve spent hundreds—yes, hundreds—on every flavor, texture, brand, and shape of cat food under the sun. Organic. Grain-free. Gluten-free. A blend of wild-caught salmon and locally sourced quinoa, (is that really a thing?) but your little dahlink is having NONE of it. AHHHHHHHH!!! The nerve.
So what the H is going on? Read on for some freaky feline reasoning…
- Because She’s a Cat. Purrrr and simple.
Let’s get this out of the way first: your cat is a creature of chaos and mystery. He/She will not be reasoned with. He/She will not be dictated to. They will, however, stare at you in disgust as you try to offer them anything resembling a meal that doesn’t meet their ridiculously high standards. Cats are finicky by nature, and they can be super picky about food. Just because you spent $50 on a fancy can of pâté doesn’t mean they will deign to even smell it. They’re not going to eat it because you’ve spent money on it. If only humans could be that easy to please.
- Texture: The Hidden Dealbreaker
You thought you were so clever, picking up that gourmet pâté or that bone broth soaked kibble. The label says it’s for “sophisticated taste buds or the fussiest of kitties”. Unh huh. Sure. Sounds great. But your cat? They just look at that smooth, wet mess like it’s the worst thing they’ve ever seen. No way are they going to eat that mushy food. You’d think you were trying to feed them a bowl of oranges with garlic (furballs don’t like that stuff). They need crunch. They need that particular texture that says, “I’m a hunter. I’m a warrior. I need something to take a few cautious bites of before I leave my food behind to wither away in the bowl.”
But you, in your infinite wisdom, decide to try soft, moist food again, thinking, “Maybe this time?” Spoiler alert: Guess again. Cats don’t just eat. They’re connoisseurs, and that texture just isn’t right. Have fun with that $50 4 lb. bag of kibble that will never see the light of day.
- The “I’ll Only Eat It If It’s the Most Expensive Option” Syndrome
Ah, the golden rule of the feline kingdom: If it’s not expensive, it’s not worthy. Somewhere along the line, your cat has decided that only the finest, most outrageously priced food will do. Enter the $40 bag of freeze-dried raw meat chunks—organic, pasture-raised, and probably blessed by a high priestess. You offer it to them, and they just look at you with disdain, as if to say “How dare you serve me this peasant food when I clearly deserve more?”
But then, bam! The $100+ price tag isn’t just a price tag. It’s a status symbol. You’ve hit the jackpot. Only now, your cat(s) thinks they’re royalty, and you’ll just have to keep spending more and more on exotic food until they decide they’re tired of that too. You’ve created little monsters. Enjoy that $200 worth of canned tuna she’s currently ignoring. Your cat’s food game is an endless loop of escalating luxury and disappointment. And you’re spending a fortune on gas too – driving to the local animal shelter every other day to donate all the stuff your precious little fur ball freaks won’t touch.
- The “If It’s Not My Brand, I’ll Starve” Effect
I’ve spent days going through different brands, carefully curating the best ingredients, reading all the reviews like an obsessed scholar. Maybe this will work, you think, maybe this is the one! Nope. Doesn’t matter how gourmet it is or how much research you did. Your cat has one brand that they swear by—and that’s it. The rest? Not in “MEEOW” house.
Do they have any logical reasoning for this? Absolutely not. If only cats possessed the science of reasoning. If it’s not the exact flavor from the exact brand they’ve been eating since they came to live with you, they’ll give you that look like you’ve just served them a plate of gravel. Meanwhile, you’re sitting there with a mountain of unused cans from that other brand you tried, thinking, I spent how much on these?!
- Because She’s Part of a Secret Feline Society
Let’s be real: your cat’s not hungry. He/She is just playing mind games with you. Cats, as you know, are experts in manipulation. They know you’ll try to win them over with the next best thing, and they’ll milk it for all it’s worth. “Ooh, mom’s getting frustrated! Better just pretend to nibble on this for a bit… then refuse to eat it once she’s left the room.”
You, the loving pet owner, are now part of a cruel game of cat-and-mouse, where you’ve spent hundreds of dollars trying to find a food she’ll actually eat. Spoiler alert: she’ll never tell you what she truly wants. It’s like she’s a member of some elite feline society, and only the most dedicated and persistent Cat Whisperers will ever know the true way to please her. But don’t worry, that membership doesn’t come cheap.
- The “I’ll Eat It If You Don’t Want Me To” Phase
And just when you think you’ve cracked the code, that’s when the plot thickens. Your cat suddenly decides she’ll only eat the food she’s been turning down for weeks—when you’re not looking. You find a half-eaten dish of $50 raw food tossed aside and wonder, Did they actually eat that? Or are they just toying with me?
The worst part? You can never be sure. One minute, one of them is pawing at the bowl, the next, they’re glaring at you like you’ve committed an unforgivable sin by not providing the preferred brand of chicken. GADS!
So, What’s the Solution?
Well, there is no solution. Cats are enigmas wrapped in fur, and food is just one of their many ways of asserting dominance. You’ll keep buying fancy food, keep trying to cater to their whims, and keep being disappointed. But honestly, isn’t that the true definition of being a cat owner? Let’s all just accept that we’re a bunch of suck-holes. Our bank balance is as low as it’s ever been, and the loveable little freaks will never be satisfied.
But hey, if you figure it out, let me know. I’ll be sitting here with my 20 unopened cans of gourmet food, wondering why my cat is choosing to eat the cardboard box instead.
Ciao,
