(A Feline Field Report on Human Collapse)
The days after Christmas and before New Year’s exist in a strange limbo. Time has no meaning. Pants are optional. Every surface smells faintly of ham. And to your cat, this is the most fascinating—and deeply disappointing—week of the entire year.
Let’s be clear: cats noticed everything.
Day One After Christmas: The Debris Phase
From a cat’s perspective, Christmas morning was peak entertainment. Shiny paper. Crinkly ribbons. Boxes within boxes. Humans shrieking with joy over things they paid for themselves. Excellent.
Then comes December 26th.
The tree is still standing, but now it’s tired. Needles are shedding like your dignity. The ornaments have been mysteriously relocated (by the cat) and the wrapping paper has gone from “festive enrichment activity” to “suspicious trash pile.”
Your cat surveys the scene and thinks:
You peaked yesterday and it shows.
The Humans Stop Being Predictable
Cats thrive on routine. Breakfast at the same time. Dinner at the same time. Judgment delivered consistently.
This week? Absolute chaos.
You wake up late. You nap at random. You stand in front of the fridge and stare into it like it might whisper life advice. Sometimes you feed the cat early. Sometimes late. Sometimes you ask the cat, “Do you think I should have another cookie?” which is not a question a cat respects.
From your cat’s viewpoint, you’ve gone feral.
The House Smells… Emotional
Cats experience the world largely through scent, and right now your home smells like:
- Sugar
- Meat
- Regret
- Artificial pine
- That weird candle you panic-bought
Add in leftover guests, leftover food, and leftover unresolved family tension, and your cat is getting a lot of information. None of it flattering.
Your cat knows you ate too much. Your cat knows you’re stressed. Your cat knows you said you were “definitely starting fresh in January” while reaching for another handful of chocolates.
Cats don’t judge.
They observe quietly and remember forever.
The Tree Is Still Here and That’s Suspicious
Why is the tree still here if the ritual is over?
The lights are on but the magic is gone. The water bowl underneath tastes like pine and betrayal. The cat has already knocked over the ornaments they care about, so now the tree is just… standing there. Existing. Mocking everyone.
The cat decides this is the perfect time to sit directly under it and stare at nothing.
This is not nothing.
This is cat meditation.
Humans Begin “New Year Talk”
This is the most confusing part for cats.
You talk about “resetting.”
You talk about “new habits.”
You talk about “being better.”
Your cat, who watched you eat three meals off a paper plate yesterday, is unconvinced.
Cats do not believe in resolutions. Cats believe in consistency, naps, and being fed whether you feel “motivated” or not. Your cat is already prepared to sabotage every early-morning workout by sitting on your chest and purring like a haunted generator.
The Verdict
To your cat, this strange in-between week is a time when humans are softer, slower, and easier to manipulate. You’re home more. You’re distracted. You’re emotionally fragile.
- More lap access
- More accidental treats
- More eye contact that leads to food
Your cat is thriving.
So as the year winds down and you stare into the void of January, remember this:
Your cat doesn’t care what year it is.
Your cat doesn’t care about your goals.
Your cat only cares that you are here, the house is warm, and there’s a box that hasn’t been sat in yet.
And honestly? The cat might be right.
Hope you all had a wonderful holiday. Happy New Year!
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Ciao,
