A fresh start? Please…
Yes, the holidays are finally over.
From your cat’s perspective, the stretch between Thanksgiving and New Year’s is not “festive.” It’s a three-act endurance trial featuring strange humans, disrupted routines, and an alarming increase in scented candles.
Let’s break it down.
Thanksgiving: The Great False Hope
Thanksgiving begins with promise.
So. Much. Food.
Your cat spends the day stationed strategically near the kitchen, fully convinced that this is the year they are finally acknowledged as an equal participant in the feast. Turkey is cooked. Turkey is carved. Turkey is passed around.
Turkey is not offered.
Instead, your cat is shooed away for “being underfoot” while you eat until you can’t breathe and then lie on the couch like a Victorian fainting patient.
Your cat takes notes.
Your cat does not forget.
Christmas: Chaos, but Make It Loud
Christmas arrives like a glitter-covered home invasion.
Suddenly the house smells like pine, cinnamon, and unmet expectations. Furniture is rearranged. There is a tree indoors (suspicious). It blinks. It sheds. It dares to exist without permission.
Guests arrive. Some respect cats. Many do not.
Your cat is picked up incorrectly. Touched without consent. Photographed relentlessly for social media clout. There is wrapping paper everywhere—briefly delightful—until someone ruins it by throwing it away “for safety.”
And let’s not forget the gifts.
Boxes appear. Boxes are claimed. Boxes are removed.
This betrayal cuts deep.
New Year’s Eve: Betrayal With Fireworks
Just when your cat thinks things are calming down, you decide to end the year by screaming at midnight.
There are loud noises. There are fireworks. There is inexplicable cheering.
Your cat, who has been asleep since 7:43 p.m., is awakened by what they assume is the apocalypse. They spend the evening under the bed, drafting their will and reevaluating their decision to live with you.
You toast “new beginnings.”
Your cat plots survival.
New Year’s Resolutions: The Audacity
Then January hits.
You announce resolutions.
You’re going to eat better.
Exercise more.
Declutter.
“Get your life together.”
Your cat watches this unfold with the calm confidence of someone who knows you will abandon this plan by February.
You buy new food. You rearrange the schedule. You attempt morning workouts that interfere with breakfast time. You suggest diet changes.
Absolutely not.
Your cat does not believe in self-improvement. Your cat believes in consistency, naps, and being fed on time regardless of your personal growth journey.
If your resolution interferes with any of those things, it will be sabotaged.
Just Another Year, Apparently
By mid-January, the decorations are gone. The guests have left. The fireworks have stopped. The house returns to its normal, acceptable level of predictability.
Your cat resumes their routine:
- Sleep
- Eat
- Judge
- Repeat
Another year stretches ahead, and while you’re busy setting goals and “turning the page,” your cat has already mastered the art of simply existing—with boundaries.
Maybe that’s the real lesson.
Or maybe your cat just wants you to stop talking about resolutions and refill the bowl.
Either way, welcome to the new year.
My cats resolutions? “More naps. Less humans.”🐾
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Ciao,
